We start out with CM Punk (???) cutting a promo. He’s talking about coming home to the land he “conquered.” When he comes out to the ring, it’ll be the “loudest, longest ovation in ECW history.”
Hmm… ok.
Cue the intro music and we’re greeted by fireworks. ECW is pretaped out of Philadelphia this week. And the main event? Christian & R. Truth vs. William Regal & CM Punk.
And we start the night off with Zack Ryder coming out to the ring, accompanied by Rosa Mendes. He’s checking her out the entire time, and even holds the ropes for her as they enter the ring.
Zack wants to officially introduce us all to Rosa Mendes. He wants to tell her a secret: she’s cool! And smart! And funny! And beautiful!
Oh Zack! You’re so sweet! I totally thought you were gonna win last week, and there were these boots that I thought were awesome and I thought they were on sale and blah blah blah…
I wish I was making that up.
The fans freaking hate this. Thankfully, Shelton Benjamin interrupts the lameness and comes out to accept Ryder’s challenge. Shelton suggests that this week, Ryder sit in the corner while he and Rosa have their own wrestling match.
Benjamin stumbles through a lame power tool joke and challenges Zack to a match here and now. Zack backs out though, to the boos of the audience. Rosa gets in Benjamin’s face just long enough for Zack to get in a sucker punch and get out of dodge.
The promos sucked. Ryder and Mendes? Suck. Benjamin’s jokes sucked. That being said, the in-ring work should make up for it.
Kick it to the announcers. Byon Saxton and Josh Matthews plug the Hurricane/Paul Birchall feud. They call it a “significant” rivalry. They air a pretty damn cool video package. The match is up next.
Great package. Seriously, nice job. I like that they advertise matches ahead of time, and they’ve done a great job plugging the feud already.
Break for commercial, and when we return, Lauren Mayhew is announcing the stipulations for the match: If Paul Birchall wins, The Hurricane must unmask. If The Hurricane wins, Paul Birchall and Katie Lea must leave ECW.
The Hurricane vs. Paul Birchall
Collar and elbow tie up to start the match, and Hurricane quickly takes The Ripper down. They exchange punches back on their feet, but Hurricane locks in a headlock. Birchall breaks free and ducks out of the ring. He steps back in, they lock back up, but Birchall presses Hurricane into the corner.
They make their way to the opposite corner and Hurricane launches Birchall out of the ring. Hurricane does a running dive to the outside shortly thereafter, rolls The Ripper back in and goes for the pin.
Hurricane only gets a 2-count, and locks in another headlock. Birchall gets to his feet and launches Hurricane into the ropes, where Katie Lea distracts The Hurricane long enough for Birchall to nail a sweet Saito Suplex. Cut to commercial.
Back from break and Birchall’s in charge with a headlock. Hurricane works his way out but Birchall regains control and keeps him grounded with a flurry of offense and rest holds. He gets a 2-count and throws a fit before standing up and picking Hurricane up to his knees. He grounds Hurricane again, then brings him to the corner.
Birchall whips Hurricane to the opposite corner and charges, but Hurricane dodges out of the way quickly. They start trading punches to boos and yays. Birchall launches off the ropes but is taken out by a Lou Thesz Press. Hurricane hits a nice European Uppercut from the corner and gets a 2-count.
Hurricane goes for his finisher, but Birchall reverses it and hits a clumsy Pele kick. He goes for the pin but only gets two. Ripper’s getting frustrated. Hurricane goes for his finisher again but Birchall once again reverses it and hits a beautiful Northern Lights Suplex. He gets a 2-count, and begs his sister for help.
Hurricane gets whipped into the corner and ends up hitting a Hurricarana on Birchall. He calls out for the Shining Wizard, but Katie Lea distracts Hurricane just long enough for Birchall to sneak up and nail another suplex. He gets a 2-count and is even more frustrated.
Birchall goes for yet another suplex, but Hurricane reverses it and hits Eye of the Hurricane. He barely gets the cover, but it’s only worth two. Hurricane is back on his feet. He climbs up the top rope but Birchall intercepts and climbs up to the top himself.
He sets Hurricane up for a suplex but the two punch each other back and forth. Hurricane barely manages to hit a top-rope bulldog, and he rolls Birchall over for the pin.
Winner: The Hurricane
Paul sits in the middle of the ring frustrated at himself and his sister that he lost. He’s practically in tears as the fans wish him goodbye the best way they know how: through song.
Great match with some nice high spots to blow off the feud. Paul Birchall’s done with ECW. Time to move on to bigger and better things. Raw could use a quality grappler, and a fresh face. I could see him doing well there. He’s got the size, the talent, and his mic work has improved greatly.
Backstage, Tiffany is watching the match when CM Punk approaches her. He asks her if she knows that he’s straight edge, and calls her out because she likes to drink. She says she’s “not some self-centered prude who’s anti-social” and she likes to party. She encourages him to try to have some fun once in a while and loosen up.
Decent exchange, but what does it accomplish? Punk’s character is kind of a difficult one to hate when, truthfully, he’s preaching good values. Yeah, he’s an ass about it, but would you want your child cheering the guy preaching a drug-free lifestyle, or someone like Stone Cold?
Back from break, and Vance Archer is coming out to the ring. His opponent is some poor jobber.
Vance Archer vs. Johnny Andrews
Andrews tries to get in some offense, but Archer quickly dominates with power moves. He grounds Andrews and slams him against the ring post. Archer pounds Andrews in the back of the head, and quickly goes for his finisher.
Winner: Vance Archer
Just another squash for Archer. This is week three. Let’s start seeing some real matches now.
Byron and Josh plug Survivor Series.
Backstage, CM Punk approaches Christian and starts talking about how he used to be ECW Champ. Christian is interested in the straight edge lifestyle. He asks if Punk is allowed to hold hands with a girl, or if he misses curfew, does he get grounded?
Christian says in Philly, they have a name for guys like him: Nerd. Punk gets frustrated and demands some respect as a former ECW, Tag, Intercontinental, and first 3-time World Heavyweight Champion. “See, that’s the thing, Punk. You were champion. I still am.” And Christian walks away.
Nice exchange between the two. I wouldn’t mind seeing a legitimate program between these guys.
Commercial’s over and CM Punk is heading out to the stage. I’m not sure why he does the “It’s Clobberin’ Time” thing since he’s a heel, but whatever. His partner, William Regal, comes out to a much more dignified entrance theme.
Christian’s out next, to huge applause. And then, R-Truth. He raps. I really don’t care much for this, but the fans eat it up.
This rap gimmick sucked in TNA, and it sucks here.
Regal’s champing at the bit to make R-Truth shut the hell up, but the ref holds him off for one more “What’s up!” with the audience.
Christian & R-Truth vs. William Regal & CM Punk
Christan and Punk start off. Punk jaws at Christian but gets slapped in the face. Before long Regal’s in the ring too. Christian and R-Truth do a double-team dropkick off the top rope, and we cut to break as the heels bail out.
Back from commercial and it’s Regal and R-Truth in the ring. Truth gets the advantage briefly before Regal tags in Punk. Punk gets tossed out of the ring. Christian hits a dropkick through the ropes and Truth flies over the top of the ropes onto Punk. Regal sweeps his legs off the apron though and R-Truth crashes to the floor.
Punk dominates R-Truth and tags Regal in. Regal’s working Truth’s leg. He tags Punk back in and he continues the assault on the leg. He drags R-Truth back to the corner and tags in Regal. Regal punches Truth in the face and works the leg again. He gets a 2-count while Truth is in a submission hold. Tag in Punk again, focus back on the leg.
Punk lands a nice bodyslam, but misses a running leg drop. As R-Truth gets to his feet, Punk dropkicks the leg out and brings him back to the corner to tag in Regal again. And, of course, Regal goes right to the leg. R-Truth hits an enzugiri however, and inches to tag in Christian. Regal tags Punk, and we have new legal men.
There’s a flurry of offense with Christian dominating. Christian nails some top-rope offense for a near fall. Punk counters the Killswitch and almost hits the Go 2 Sleep. Christian counters and goes for a pin, but Regal cuts it off.
R-Truth jumps in, but Regal fends Truth away. As Christian tries to hit Punk with the Killswitch, Regal nails a running knee to Christian’s head. Punk lifts him up for the Go 2 Sleep and nails it for the pin.
Winner: CM Punk and William Regal
Decent main event. Nice highlight for the traditional Survivor Series match. The match felt a bit rushed but overall a solid main event for a pretty solid ECW. The Birchall/Hurricane match was quite good and I’m curious to see what they’ll do with Birchall now.
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